Desirable Things I'm Not Likely To Own

Presented here are several, several things that'd be great to have, but it isn't very likely in the immediate future. All of them either NEVER show up anywhere, or if they do show up, they sell for crazy stupid prices. So, unless I either become a millionaire somehow or get VERY lucky, these'll only remain as JPEGs on my hard drive. At least I've got my health etc (although I did wake up this morning with the taste of blood in the mouth, oh my!). 

Oh, and I've been collecting these images for years, without noting where I found most of them. So if you recognise any of your own pictures in this lot, let me know and I'll be sure to give you a bit of credit.

To start with, and so that the page doesn't look empty before being clicked on "properly", here's the Astral Moat Monster from Thundercats in TWO variations!

Classy stuff, yes? And it only gets better. Let's see what else...

First up, a games device - the PC-Engine LT!

It's history's biggest handheld gaming thing, like a monster-sized Game Boy Advance SP. 

There's an extra controller port on it for two-player games, and it even has a built-in TV Tuner (admittedly useless now, but it's a nice thing to have anyway).

Next we have some masks. Why I'd like to wear a Ren or Stimpy mask, I don't know, but anything to do with these two is worth having around the house, just in case.

This is the Purple People Eater, a game made by Waddingtons a long time ago. Can't really figure out what you're supposed to do, but you DO get this big mad dog-faced jellyfish monster with it, as well as those small figures.

 By the looks of it, you have to stop your little creatures from being eaten by the big creature? Maybe?

 It lights up too, for night-time play!

That's the box, looks like it makes sounds too. The kid who's playing with it is terrified. Good!

This is just mad, I have no idea what it is but it'd be welcome in my home. Look at his hands!

 I'm not into Battle Beasts all that much, but the Shocking Shark Playset is a thing of beauty. A big killer submarine with a piranha thing on top, working the guns.

And it folds out into this command-station sort of thing, with a waterfall, a prison for keeping bison, and MORE GUNS.

 Here's a set of non-poseable figures from Freaked, one of history's funniest films. Ortis the Dog Boy there, on the right, is played by Keanu Reeves whilst the half-man, half-monstrosity on the left is played by Alex Winter. It's the Wyld Stallions reunited in everything but name, form, sound, and situation!

Here's the Empire Robot Monster (at least what the images I have are saved as). It's a robot with an axe who's head pops open to reveal to reveal some kind of carnivorous dinosaur. AND it lights up!

This image is titled "Spew Crew", so that must be what these are. Six nutty monsters (well, five monsters and a robot), each capable of pouring slime out of holes that can be interpreted as snot, vomit or eyeball juice, whatever you like.

Clamando, an unproduced figure from the Street Sharks line. And I remember where this one came from too! Sort of. It's from the Bogleech Tumblr.

Trash Bag Bunch was a great toyline - mystery bags that dissolved in water to reveal a monster (or wimpy human) of some sort. I've got most of the first series, but the second series only ever made it to Denmark and Sweden. That lot in the picture are from said series, and you'd need a second mortgage to afford any of those.

Now we have Cargantua: Monster of the Freeways!

Absolutely enormous, and it shoots cars down roads that extend from its arms. Looks like it has teeth as well!

The annoying thing here is that I used to have this one - not sure what happened to it, but what I do know is that it's gone. Still got one of the rubber leaves somewhere, but what fun's a leaf? Unless you're a caterpillar, which is unlikely.

Another board game, this one's from Mattel. It's the Slime Monster Game, in which you must... run away from a slime monster before you get slime on you? The faces of the kids playing this one are particularly terrifying. Perhaps it's best I find this one WITHOUT the box.

I do own A giant rubber bat, but not THIS giant rubber bat. Can't really see the innards of the one I own. Plus, mine's a fruit bat, wheras Gre-Gory here's more obviously a vampire bat. Also, I think this image and the Cargantua one came from this French site here.

I've got a lot of funny cheap dinosaur toys, but I haven't got any ULTRA dinosaurs! Nice little mish-mashing of styles in this line - most seem to be based on Japanese kaiju, but a couple of them seem more like they got lost on the way to the filming of The Land Before Time.

This is Krusher, another bloody huge monster (and another from that French site), so named because his body can be crushed up before returning to its original form.

There's also Zoog The Terrible. Not sure what his gimmick is (it's definitely got something to with that giant eyeball), but he still looks friendly enough.

Seems you couldn't turn around in a toy shop of the 1970s without bumping into some giant gimmicky monster. Ooze-It here must've brought joy to many a houseproud parent back in the day.

And here's another one! Stretch X-Ray, like a see-through version of Stretch Armstrong. And with a bigger brain too.

Vac-Man, he's Stretch Armstrong's mortal enemy - AND he's from the 1990s. You'd think this'd make him easier to find, right? Not at all. I did have the Vac-Tory at some point, which allowed you to create miniature versions of Vac-Man. And I've still got another, yellow Vac-Man about half the size of this one, but really, no toy collection is complete without a hideous 2ft. tall stretchable alien that can be hardened with a bicycle pump.

These are called Naugas, a mascot of sort used to sell leather chairs to the Americans back in the day. The chairs were supposedly made from the hides of these cute little things.

Here we have Horrible Hamilton, the natural progression of cheap little plastic spacemen.

Kenner made a line of toys based on Toxic Crusaders, and these are easily and cheaply available. These miniature versions from Yolanda, however, are near invisible!

Series 3 of Monster In My Pocket, which I didn't even know existed until the Internet happened (before then, what I now know as Series 4 was thought by me to be Series 3). There's only nine of them, so it hardly counts as a "series", but just ONE of these will usually cost over £30. This is a lot more than I'm willing to spend on a piece of rubber just over an inch tall. The lucky bastard who took this picture can be found at Little Weirdos.

Finally, there's this thing:

22" tall and made out of a foam-filled rubber material, this is "Large Feed Me" from Creatures of Delight. It's beautiful and it's readily available, but it's also $125. Bah.

That'll do for now. I really don't ask for much out of life.