The Postman Brings Things

Today, like most days, the postman had some things for me. Those things will now be looked at.


First up, some small cars.

They look like Micro Machines, but they're not - they're Road Champs! They came up in a discussion over on the Retro Gamer forums, so thought I'd check eBay on a whim. Couldn't say no for 19p, could I?

Next, these things:

Godzilla knock-offs, you can never have too many of those! Been getting loads of these since the dawn of time, and there's a couple more in my possession of a similar size and style - so, a similar "brand" of bootleg monsters. 

There's Godzilla, and... a robot version of him? And a beaky thing, and another one with a big forward-horn? I'd try and tell you their real names, but much as I love the whole "kaiju" thing, I'm crap at remembering the names of anything outside of the Godzilla-universe. These could be based on any number of beasties from Ultraman, Kamen Rider, or Super Sentai - all I know is I really like them and have a creaking shelf-load of the things.

EDIT: "Baltanll" over at the Little Rubber Guys forums has identified the other three as Mechagodzilla, Telesdon and Black King. So there you go.

Next up, the "highlight" of sorts...

There's these ten monsters here:

Not sure what they're "given" names are, so I'll make some up. This is Dental Fist. A happy looking chap with a bulbous cap and a stitched-up mouth - and an alarming second mouth where mouths aren't supposed to be.

Crivvel-Peep here is the shy type, choosing to hide beneath his intestines at the first sign of trouble.

Denzil Deasel doesn't like to be disturbed when reading - the slightest distraction makes him forget everything, meaning he has to start the whole book again. The problem's all the more severe when you take into account the fact that he can't even read anyway. 

 Milli Vanilli's parents named her after their least-favourite singer, thinking they could do a better job with that name. And they certainly did!

Harold Distendia always fancied a career in children's television, but there hasn't been much call for slithering sacks of teeth and pancreas lately.

The Funnel isn't as interesting as he'd have people believe.

Major Charles is the "funny one". He runs a half-arsed blog about forgotten books and silly things that he spends his money on, and makes ill-advised attempts at wit. He also has a vacuum-like mouth, yet hasn't eaten a single thing since 1992.

Slitmore is the one who most people would call "friend" if they had to. The advantage he has over most other monsters is the fact that he uses his big yellow penis as a foot.

This is their pet worm. Worms don't live for very long, so they haven't given it a name. That way, when it dies they won't be as upset as they would've been had they given it a cute little monicker. 

Footchin uses his impressive chin as a foot - years of doing this has given him a hump and chronic back-pain, and he regrets the day he ever decided to live up to his name.

Anyway, that's enough of that. I've only just realized I can align images in this way, and it just seemed like a good way of filling the inevitable blank spaces on the page. The best part about these monsters is what you can do with them. All those holes and bulbous points on them? They're for connecting purposes! Yes! They all join up to make this nutter of a beast:

Graghh!! etc. Good, eh? Turns out it's from an Italian line of toys called Monster Connectors, circa 2005. These ten creatures were sold together as one big monster, but there were also other monsters available - allowing people to combine and create all sorts of fun creations. So a bit like LEGO, only with monsters instead of bricks. See how they've all joined up here?

That's his backside - they're all really crammed in there. It's not really that much like LEGO, more like the Power Rangers' Megazord, only more biological than robotic.

There's the left leg, with the nameless worm glomming its gums around Denzil's head.

Dental Fist is having a disgusting time of it, making up the monster's crotch.

It'd be nice to find more of these things, see what kind of expansions can be done. Until then, there's always taking this lot apart and re-arranging them into another monstrous form. By the way, this cost me 99p from eBay - why would someone want to get rid of something as good as this for so little return? Who knows? Or cares?

Alright then, a group shot, then that's your lot for the day: