Tuesday, 13 November 2012

And ANOTHER Beano thing!

Once you start looking for something, they never stop turning up. That's definitely true when looking for alternative takes on the Beano, as can be seen here and here. Well, here's another one now, and this time it's a poem by Phill Jupitus (under his "Porky the Poet" alias), performed at Glastonbury in 2009:


For those that prefer to not hear Phill's voice, here's the poem (copyright to him, obviously):

They've all grown up in the Beano
Dennis the Menace has got pubic hair
Biffo's more into anarchy now 
More of a punk than a bear
Lord Snooty's a high court judge
Taking bribes from a Zurich bank
Had a run-in with the Inland Revenue
When he sold Bunkerton Castle to the Yanks
Grandpa is at last six feet under
Roger the Dodger's in the SPG now
Dodging charges for murder
But Lord Snooty will help him, you'll see
The Three Bears are on the racks at Harrod's
Because Hank he shot them at last
And Teacher was thrown out of Bash Street
For being too pissed when in class
Minnie the Minx is a feminist now
In London North West Three
PC Plod rang Beanotown Council
And now the Bash Street Dogs are in Battersea
Ball Boy changed his name to Rent Boy
Piccadilly was where he wound up
But Beanotown United are doing fine without him
In the European Cup
"Baby-Face" Finlayson's in South America
With seven million quid in used bills
And the Nibblers they nibble no more
Because Porky called in Rent-A-Kill
Billy Whizz eventually ran out of uppers
Now he works for the DHSS
And our hero ugly Plug changed his name to Paul Morley
And got a job in the music press
Little Plum is a redskin campaigner
The Bash Street Kids are on YTS
Softy Walter's a Lycian bouncer
And Gnasher's been sent to the vet's
They've all grown up in the Beano
What are we gonna do
Now they've all grown up in the Beano
Just like me and you


  1. Made me chuckle I must confess! A bit off topic, I know, but how's the VHS to DVD/ capture card thing going?

    1. Funds are a bit iffy since the London visit, so I'm waiting till after December's over for that one. I'll keep you updated on it though, no worries there!

  2. At first I thought it was horribly cynical, then really funny. But it ended on a really quite sad and poignant note. I was told in uni that you should never look for "messages" in stories and poems, but if there's one to be found then it seems to be that escapism is important. Really important. Without it, "what are we gonna do"?

    1. Why shouldn't you look for messages? I thought the whole point was how you interpret them? Spot on with the escapism though - the reason the Beano's endured for so long is because the characters have barely changed, so they've always been there for everyone who's ever read them.

    2. The lesson was, by all means look for meaning, but don't look for a message. The former is substance, the latter is preachy, and if you find yourself looking for the latter then you're doing a disservice to the narrative through suggesting that it's all just dressing.